outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
So the notebooks arrived yesterday, which prompted me to find pens and to wonder about better pens. Or maybe "better." So i went out and bought some pens at Target on my way to pick H up from work.

It was an OK trip. I found that Target's mobile web site will tell you which aisle number the product you are looking at is in the store you have selected. So I knew that the pens I wanted were in aisle B14, for example. That made the trip a very quick in-and-out…even with the delay to realize that somebody had overlaid a package of a similar pen on top of the packages of one of the pens I wanted.

So I found everything quickly, and found that this Target has self-checkout (which I tend to prefer, because I don't have to hand my debit card with the "wrong" name on it to a cashier)…and that went well, except that I tried to pay by debit and it took three times before I used the right combination of card and PIN. (I have debit cards with two different credit unions: and I mixed up which PIN went with which card.)

The notebooks? Are mostly what I expected. The binding is such that it is nice for storage and reading, but I am not sure what I feel about it for writing. But it is fitting the bill as something that is special enough to enjoy using it, but not too special that I fear using it.

That said, I have mostly only done some set-up things. And I am getting nervous about getting started with using it usefully. But I hope to get the ball rolling on that today. Because it's mostly a Just Do It situation. It is good that I have made a few mistakes. Misspellings and a number in the wrong box…easily fixed mistakes, but enough to shatter the illusion that it can (or should be) perfect. 
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
So we heard from somebody from St J's that they had found Ruffles All-Dressed Chips locally. That is a long-time Canadian favorite, now available down here. I went online and found the listing of which stores have it… or, rather which stores have sold it within the last 30 days. And found a number of local locations. One of which was a Wawa near H's office. We had been there recently (and I actually looked at the Ruffles flavors that time) and not seen it, but it was convenient so we tried it again. With no luck.

But just across the parking lot was a Walmart Neighborhood Market. And it was also on the list. So we went in and fairly quickly found what I was looking for.

And then we headed to the checkout.

And H chooses checkout line 1. And it made some sense. Of the open lines, it had the shortest line. But I wouldn't have chosen that line. And events would later confirm to me that I should have trusted my intuition.

Because after standing there a couple of seconds, I hear the young child just ahead of us in a loud child's speaking voice "Mom, there's a boy dressed like a girl," with the last part of that slightly drowned out by the mother trying to quiet her child. And I kind of want to melt into the floor. I had been looking at the other lines already, so I went with "pretend not to hear it" as a reaction, especially because i couldn't hear enough to tell what type of correction the child might be receiving. And we moved over to the self-checkout.

Even though I haven't had any experiences like this before, there is a reason why I wouldn't have chosen that line. I don't want to come up behind a young child with their parent, because of the possibility of an incident similar to this. Especially because I don't know whether the parent is going to use the opportunity to educate their child…and if so, whether that education will help the child engage with the world or only to teach them how not to embarrass their parents. And I don't feel that there's a helpful way for me to respond if the parent is not sending the right message to their child, when they are complete strangers to me.

As experiences go, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. But it was an illustrative one: that those feelings are there for a reason. I can survive if I disregard them, but there will be a price.

As for the chips? I ate half of the first bag last night (after our dinner plans fell through and we had to wait for delivery). And they were good. Despite the moment of wanting to sink into the floor.
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
I know I gushed about the poet who spoke to the graduates at the big ceremony Saturday morning. And I have finally come across what she said, and wanted to share it with you:

The text of her remarks

YouTube video

Interestingly, one of the things I am remembering, I am not finding in her text. I have not rewatched the video yet, so maybe I am just not remembering the wording precisely enough to find it, but… the whole thing was very worthy of consideration, I felt. Or maybe it's just what I needed to hear. *shrug*
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
I feel like I should be doing some intentional creativity again.

I don't yet know what type, but I want to spend some time this week thinking about it.  Because I have the urge for a year-long project. And what seems to be feeling right is to use the liturgical year, not the calendar year, which means the start line is a week away, not a month away.

I am a little wary: not sure whether I should be trying to stretch myself and dream big or trying to make it something that I will be successful at. The answer should probably be some of both: a project that has enough potential for creating big things but with an easily attainable bar.

I think part of that is that thsi should not be a daily project. Probably a weekly one.

No ideas firmer than that yet.
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
So I watched the baseball game last night and my team won. Afterwards, not wanting to go to bed, I tried to watch a football game. But I got there right about halftime, and by the time play resumed, I realized that I didn't care about either team and didn't really want to watch. So, by lack of anything to do, rather than a desire to go to sleep, I went to bed sometime after 11:30 last night. (Usual for me is about 9pm, in the 8:00 to 9:30 range.)

It was not a good night for sleep. Because I was irritable, one of the cats was irritating me. I removed a couple of "improvised toys" that she shouldn't play with (or that made more noise than I wanted at that point). She did not sleep in her usual spot, but at the foot of the empty half of the bed. My first stint of sleep was only about 90 minutes long, and the AC noises were disturbing me. So I went around the house turning on lights and reassuring myself that the noises were just the AC system and not a problem. After making that check, I went back to bed, turned on some podcasts, but only played them for about five minutes before I felt like I could sleep again, and I slept until later than usual, into the 5am hour.

And I have felt ok today. I actually wanted to and did walk today, making three days in a row over 7,500 steps for the first time since August. I am trying to be good to myself and trying to not think about the things I can not do anything about.

I am also trying to think of something I might choose to eat that I wouldn't normally. I suspect that won't happen. But if I think of something, this would be the perfect time for something that perhaps Heather isn't as enthusiastic about. But I'm not sure if there's anything on this list that I would be enthusiastic enough about to go for.

But I am doing pretty well today. And I don't have the "everything annoys me" potentially sensory stuff bothering me like it did last night.
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
I stayed in bed quite late for me. I think it was after 5am when I got out of bed. That almost never happens!

I don't have the 4th of July feeling today, which is unusual. Because I always enjoyed the day, even when I was living in Canada and watching the concerts (oh yes, and fireworks) on TV. Some of that is that yesterday was a do-nothing day, and I really hope that today is not more of the same. The idea of a movie was brought up. I don't feel confident that that will happen, though. (Even though we have Groupon passes that we've been sitting on for three years now. And yes, they do not expire, we just have to actually use them.) 

Then, around 7 o'clock, the power blinked off and on a couple of times. Short enough that there were things that turned off and things that didn't the first couple of blinks. The last one seemed to take down almost everything (though I did notice that the alarm clock stayed on). That caused me to lose a game on the computer about two moves from the end of a level.

I'm not sure if a walk will happen today. Chances of rain all day. Tough to know if that will turn into anything or not. It didn't seem to yesterday where we were, but sounds like there were some elsewhere in the area. And there's F1 qualifying this morning that I'll watch.

On the plus side, this morning's scale number was smaller. Which is nice, because often when I cross a goal, it seems like it goes up again before it goes down. It is funny how that happened, though. We decided to go to Panera for dinner last night, so I only had a yogurt for lunch, because I wanted to leave enough calorie room for a shortbread cookie. (I love it, but it is a whole lot of calories!) So I had that in mind, and I saw them in the display when we walked in. And then, I got sidetracked remembering what items I intended to order for my meal. And so I ordered, and we got our drinks and sat down. And it was a while later (I can't remember if it was waiting for our food to be brought to our table or after eating most of my meal) when I remembered that I had not ordered the shortbread.

I did end up "compensating" somewhat by having a bit of gelato when we got home, but I think it was only about half the calories of the cookie I inadvertantly passed up.

199.8

Jul. 2nd, 2015 07:43 am
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
Yes, this morning's number on the scale crossed under 200 for the first time. I am not sure when I last saw that! 
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
Things are going well, despite the bumps which sometimes are all that come to my fingers when it comes time to write something.

Yesterday was another good day, with my treadmill including a bit of jogging into the mix. In yesterday's case, one minute of jogging out of every 20, plus every time my podcast changed, so probably 5 minutes of running out of a little more than an hour. I am not sure what today will bring. I would like to do some, but I am a little worried about overdoing things. Maybe if I can find the will power to only walk today. Or maybe it should be "try out a bike" day.

What there won't be is anything that requires much outdoor walking. It is supposed to be a wet day, with temperatures in the 30s but enough wind that the wind chill will be in the low 20s. The forecast makes me want to stay inside all day, but that's probably not a wise choice.

But yesterday, I got 3.5 miles in, enjoyed some podcasts. I've been playing with Sling, which I have been enjoying on our three-day trial. ESPN was the biggest thing I felt I was missing after we cut back our cable package to next-to-nothing (i.e. only the channels I could pull in with an antenna). We're paying $25 a month (once the week trial) ends for the combination of the base package and Sports Extra. And they've been announcing new channels coming soon that could scratch some other itches, depending on how they're packaged. I have had a few annoying technical issues, but I stared while it was still invitation-only, and they've only opened up to everybody within the past couple of days, so with the promise that it seems to hold (to be cable without as much rigidity as most cable packages), I am definitely willing to keep it for the first month to see whether the issues resolve themselves or if they are at a level I can cope with.

I got to the supermarket after lunch yesterday to pick up some breakfast essentials I had run out of, and was rewarded (as I finished up at the self-checkout) by the supervising employee wishing me a good day with a "ma'am" tacked on the end. After the restaurant on the weekend (where I got "sir"), it was a nice surprise. I need to figure out a better way of responding to those mistakes. So far, I have silently reacted. That is the most comfortable reaction in the moment, but probably not the best reaction in some circumstances.

I suspect that a lot of what I have been feeling is seasonal. Because the weather makes it easy to want to avoid going out. And then I probably make it worse by knowing that I used to manage to walk all over my hometown when there was snow on the ground. But I feel that experience doesn't serve me well for now, because what I would have worn back there would be overkill for here, and I don't have a good sense of what could help without going too far.

The bright side of that is: spring is coming. In less than a month, we'll shift the clocks and there will be daylight after my wife gets home from work. After all, I already wake up in the dark. And my routine makes it difficult to do anything out of the house before about 8:00 by the time my wife gets off to work, so early morning sun is mostly wasted. Sunrise is now just before my wife's 7am alarm. And it sets by 5:30pm. When the time change comes, the sun will rise about the time she goes out the door to work, but won't set until after 7pm!

We did it!

Jan. 19th, 2015 06:32 pm
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
Got over to the Y this evening...

Unfortunately, I didn't realize until after I started that my wife wasn't planning to do her class, after all.

So I cut short my walk after a half-mile, but successfully figured out how to use the treadmill and got enough walking to be used to it a bit. Played a bit with slope (since that is something that the area we live in does not produce naturally…very flat land for miles around), and felt how it feels differently. Got enough reminders that I should not look around when I'm walking on the treadmill :-) But none that ended up with me falling. The only bit of "injury" was when I got back into my wife's car and ran my shin into the dashboard when attempting to seat myself!

But yes, found everything I needed to be able to go in and use the treadmill on my own. And yes, barely a block away, so I can easily walk there and not have to worry about the weird parking lot, so I now have an indoor walking solution. And I feel confident that I can get that part of life back on track. (And maybe, seeing success in that area will help me both to not put too much pressure on myself and to find success in other areas, as well.) 
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
 My blog host has been acting up this morning, so this morning's post did not crosspost to Dreamwidth…

The dawn of the new year

The letter

Oct. 14th, 2014 01:24 pm
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
So here's the letter I sent to my choir this morning (and which my boss sent on to notify the vestry and the rest of the staff). Rehearsal tomorrow night should be interesting. (So far, four responses: two choir members, one vestry spouse, and one vestry member.)

All the responses so far have been encouraging.

Letter of resignation and of coming out )

So a month left, and rehearsal tomorrow night will definitely be interesting.
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
So the air show was yesterday.

And we had a really good time. We got there early enough to avoid the crowds entering. The VIP section from my wife's job was wonderful. Plenty of room and some free food with a table to eat from. I was prepared with sunglasses and earplugs. It was fairly cloudy so there were adaptations that were required by some of the flyers. That also meant that I wasn't terribly worried about missing the Blue Angels (and, in fact, I saw on the local news this morning that rain arrived and the Blue Angels had to cut their performance short yesterday).

It was also, unusually for me, something I went to without my camera. I considered it, but then decided that I didn't know enough about what it was like to attend an air show, so I couldn't decide what pieces of equipment I would want: Do I bring the SLR, do I bring the video camera? If I bring the SLR, what lens(es) would I want? (And would the limitations of my lenses be a frustration?)

So I decided that I wanted to see what it was like. And I really enjoyed myself. Even though the time there was shorter than I would have liked. It also got me over some of my fears. I know that, with appropriate ear protection, I am not going to have a problem with the noise (though it was a barrier to conversation with other people). I know some of the physical set up there, so that, if for some reason I were going alone or driving separately from my wife (or, you know, wanting to go back with my camera), I would have no trouble doing that. (I like to "test run" and scope out places I haven't been before, but that's not completely possible when dealing with a military base and a special event.)

There was one disappointment that we couldn't really do anything about: it was the closest I've been to a Tim Hortons in the last year, and of course, I didn't have any. (Why are the only two locations reasonably close to me on military bases, where I can't get them! *grin*)

But the day was good, and I have now attended my first air show.

outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
My walking had almost completely stopped in the roughly one-month period where my Fitbit was lost. I was stubborn, partly because their customer support strung me along for a while with the promise of unspecified help, and then finally dropped the fact that they'd consider a replacement, but for them to do that, I would have to send them a copy of my receipt which, since I'd bought it back in April, I no longer had.

I was also a little stubborn and a little indecisive. Stubborn because I felt I should be able to continue in spite of the loss of the Fitbit. It wasn't doing the walking, only counting the steps. It wasn't choosing what I ate, and even without the device, I could still use the web site to keep track of what I ate. And, to be fair, I did fairly well without it. But without that reminder of my goals and my progress (or lack thereof) towards them, it was all too easy to sabotage my progress with "it's just one meal" or "it's just one day" and get to the end of a week and find that I'd probably "been bad" with food more often than I'd been good...and I'd not gotten any real exercise in either.

I was also indecisive, because I kept hoping that I would find another solution that would work for me. I kind of resented paying another $100 to replace something that was so small and that I'd already lost once. But I'm not thrilled with wearing anything around my wrist, and none of the options I looked at seemed to wow me in terms of features. So eventually, I went back to the Fitbit One that clips to my pocket and which had done so well for me before.

Yesterday, I finished a long-desired accomplishment. I crossed the South Norfolk Jordan Bridge on foot. The bridge itself is about a mile long, and with significant elevation change to be tall enough to end up 169 feet above the river (so that, unlike most other crossings of this river, it does not have to open to allow tall river traffic to pass through). But there is no good place to park nearby that I am aware of, especially since I am not confident enough to parallel park in most cases. (There is a park at one end of the bridge, but it is in the midst of a several-month closure to upgrade the park and its facilities, so its parking lot is unavailable.)

I figured out the transit route to let me off near...nearish to the bridge. (It was actually about a mile away.) And then...there was the how to get home question. There was another bus stop about a mile after the bridge...but with hourly service, and the fact that I'd just sweated my way up and down a bridge, I didn't feel like looking up its route and seeing whether it was close in time or not. I just kept walking.

By the time I reached home, I had walked 4.9 miles in just over 86 minutes. For the first time ever with the Fitbit, I walked more than 10,000 steps in a day, ending up at 14,630 for the day.

I am paying for it, though. I was OK while I was walking (except for really needing to be done), but my foot bothered me after I stopped and I felt about 85-years-old last night, walking from my wife's car to the restaurant (though part of that was that the passenger seat had been moved up and I didn't realize it yet, so I was cramped for the drive there).

I need to keep the active up. I need to figure out how to take advantage of our Y membership and see if cycling will work for me. I used to love it back home, but I don't want to put the money into getting started again, if it's not going to work...and my body is several years older than it was then and many pounds heavier and I'm just not in the same spot physically that I was then.

Plus, I'd feel a little safer on a bicycle than in some other methods of exercise. I love exploring when I walk or bike...and on bicycle, it is easier to get oneself out of a situation quickly, if one becomes uneasy. (In a neighborhood about a mile from home yesterday, I passed a dog on a lawn and had a bit of anxiety about what my options would be if it started to follow me, especially because I didn't see an owner around...though that may have been because I didn't want to look too much at the dog for fear of interesting it in me.)

Anyway, today is Wednesday. It's rehearsal day, so there's that to navigate. Maybe I should have done the walk on a day when I didn't have to work the next day, but I had put it off so many times in the months since the bridge opened that I didn't want to add any more reasons not to do it.

P.S. If you're seeing this and haven't seen the friends-only posts I've posted here in the past few months, please log in and check them out over at outofwater.dreamwidth.org and if you don't have access, send me a message and I'll see about getting you access.
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
So... last night as I was preparing to go to work, I was putting a few things in a laundry hamper...and ended up tripping over a slipper/shoe on the floor...my toe just caught it and I don't know whether I tried to shake it off my foot or what, but whatever happened certainly caused pain up near my hip. It was in the "when I do this, it hurts" category, but when it hurts? *shudder* But what was causing the pain? I'm not exactly sure, but on the way to work, it was clear what one thing was that hurt? Moving my foot from the accelerator to the brake. (At this point, I'm quite glad I live only a half-mile from the church.)

I have also been alternating keyboard vs organ at our midweek service, so I used the keyboard last night, so I wouldn't risk causing myself pain with every note.

Last night, I took an ibuprofen just before bed, because another thing that seemed to spark the pain, lifting that leg to step up to the next stair, so after that happened, I kept that leg mostly straight, and led each stair with the left leg (which is an awkward way to go up stairs: move left leg up, move right leg even, move left leg up, move right leg even...)

Good day on the scale...the same number twice in a row, but it's so much lower than previous days that I wonder whether, because of the leg thing, I am standing in a way that throws off the reading. So we'll record it today, and try not to be surprised if tomorrow's reading is closer to yesterday's than today's. But I also know that it sometimes seems to happen in large jumps...that's why I try to concentrate on the trendline instead of the day-to-day fluctuations.

So I will probably spend some time watching the Commonwealth Games from Glasgow today. (Live streaming on YouTube) Right now, they're showing a badminton game between Scotland and Seychelles...or were, because Scotland just won.

Hopefully later I can get some walking in, even if it's just around the block. We'll see what happens when I go get myself some breakfast. Because I expect further ibuprofen to be required.
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
 I suppose I should pop in some time when my life doesn't feel like it's falling apart!

This morning, I'm actually feeling really good. The foot is not bothering me first thing this morning. It was some yesterday, so I'll still be taking it easy: do some normal day-to-day stuff...maybe find something where I can do a bit of walking around, but nothing with too much distance or speed. (And, of course, that plan may change, either because the foot starts bothering me again or because it's supposed to get up to around 90 degrees here today!)

No choir this week (which may help my anxiety level). There were too many people going to be away this week, so I asked at rehearsal before the service on Sunday, and everybody seemed to approve of skipping and having my wife play a flute solo instead of Sunday's choir anthem. Then we'll be back for two weeks, before taking July and August off.

Thursday night, the three of us head to an Elton John concert! It's a case where I wouldn't have felt the tickets were worth the cost. (Even though I like Elton John, I don't like him that much!) But they were purchased as an intended birthday gift for my stepson, and his sister and mother would both have gone with him. But he ended up getting a summer internship out-of-state, and so we ended up with a ticket for me (which I'm kind of glad about...I would have been a bit jealous if they got to see the concert and I didn't, even though I couldn't see the cost of a fourth ticket to have been worth it).

The only drawback is that it ruled out heading to Baltimore to see a baseball game. I thought with no rehearsal that it just might work out, and then saw that my Toronto Blue Jays would be in town! Perfect! But I would have been anxious about driving in an unfamiliar city (I have only been there once, and that was only an overnight trip.) And I would have been anxious about finding a hotel room and parking and getting to the game itself. The cost kept adding up. And then, when I looked for tickets for Friday night's game, there were only a handful of empty seats: and every empty seat I seemed to find was a single. (Since I only want one seat, that's technically doable, but especially on my own, I like a bit of personal space. If I was going with my wife, two seats would be fine, because I would expect that I could "encroach" on her seat, if I needed to stretch, etc.) Saturday's game had more seats available, but is a late afternoon game, and I don't really want to be worrying about leaving at 7pm on a four-hour drive home with work the next morning (especially when it will be with a supply priest, so it would be less easy to improvise should I not make it home for whatever reason).

So that was a bit of a bummer. I considered train and bus options, but between the cost and the concern about whether or not my foot would act up were both in my mind. I need a road trip soon, though. And I wonder if it will end up being a solo one, just because of calendar concerns and my wife's energy levels.

Yesterday was a mistake day on the diet front. First mistake: skipping breakfast. I love breakfast, so I only end up skipping it when time gets away from me. Yesterday was one of those days. So made plans to meet my wife for lunch (which we decided for Sonic, since it's close to her office). I had looked up the nutrition info and made a choice before I left home. But I didn't order it well...and I don't like correcting my order if I don't have to at the drive-thru (having spent a few years on the other side of the headset, I know that it can be a PITA to fix, depending on the POS system the restaurant uses). So when I realized he thought I was ordering a combo, I quickly tried to come up with a side. And made a poor choice. And then realized that the assumption was that I wanted both the side and the drink to be large. End result: my "side" was more calories than my sandwich, as I went from intending no side to eating a 650-calorie side. In a way, my two mistakes largely cancelled each other out. And I was left with enough calories available for a dinner that would satisfy me.
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
 ...I should probably look into a proper theme and not just "something generic until I know what I want."
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
I should post here.

Especially with wishing I was posting elsewhere. But it's in the "I need to check who has permissions to read what I'm posting" territory. Maybe events will overtake some of what I'd write, but... I need to remember this is here.
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
Well, I haven't been here in a long time, but here I am to add somebody that I was friends with on LJ.

I have so many places I write...that I get spread thin. I also keep forgetting who is each place and who knows what about me. But this may be a quiet place for some of my "not for public consumption" pieces.

It's just difficult for me to remember to log in here. I still have the habit of reading my LJ friends page, and as I scroll down my Reading Page here, I mostly saw posts I'd seen on LJ.

I hate feeling like I can't share who I really am. I'm really tired of life being complicated. And it seems like it will ever be thus.
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
How do you tell somebody something really important about yourself, when you're afraid of their reaction?

Edited to insert missing word "something" (8.28am)
outofwater: Me outside St John's before my confirmation at the Easter Vigil 2016 (Default)
Hmm...I wonder if I've found the cause of my "cold" from just over a week ago. The timing would be about right.

Because this morning, I all of a sudden woke up in the middle of the night with a sore spot back of mouth/top of throat and having a hard time breathing through my nose. (Ended up going downstairs shortly after 1am and still not back to bed.)

Especially because the first time, there was a lot of eye-wateriness, which made my wife comment that it sounded more like allergies. Not so much with the eyes this time...but given how sudden it was?

I think it's because yesterday, we emptied and refilled the litter box. And I'm going to guess it's this litter. Fortunately, yesterday we used the last of it...and we had already decided we would not be buying this brand again. So when my wife wakes up in the morning, I'll see if we have any OTC antihistamines in the house and, if not, get her reminder of what I should get from the pharmacy.

(Of course, it may not be that...my wife seemed to get something similar to me a couple of days later than I did...but it's a hypothesis.)